Modest Proposal For Better Government

Dear Hank,

March 18, 2007

Sorry I haven’t written in a while but I’ve been busy and, I know, this must sound like a broken ipod to you (see I can be hip – I’ve upgraded my speech with new technical terms. Somehow it loses its meaning, with ipod instead of record, but that’s progress for you.)

There’s lots happening off the island, I just can’t see where any of it is important. Or maybe I should say isn’t it sad that it’s the same old stuff in the news? The Roman Republic fell apart when their system of governance no longer worked in their world. They got bigger than they could handle and a chaotic corrupt form of democracy was replaced by a tyrannical, soon to be corrupt, form of monarchy. I can’t help but think we are on the verge of something like that. One side blames the other for not doing enough for being hypocritical, etc. I frankly don’t think any of them are doing their jobs and they’ve lost sight of what they were sent to do in the first place. I like the idea of firing all the staff and making the President, Vice-President, Senators, and Congressmen stay in their seats for eight hours a day and do the job we sent them there to do. How about read the legislation before they pass a bill for starters? If I remember correctly the bill is supposed to be read out loud three times in the chamber before it is voted on for passage. I’ll bet that alone would shorten the bills being passed. How about making the Executives and members of both houses have to listen to regular evening news, go on-line to get news, and read a paper? They would have had better intel about Iraq if they had.

How about taking cameras out of Congress and every other place so these people wouldn’t grand stand for so long? They could all be forced to have a half hour “meet the people” news conference that could be covered by their home town reporters and available on-line. They’d get to see real people and we’d get to hear what they have to say.

But there are really more important things to worry about, like:

- Did Anna Nichol get buried?

- Did what’s his name get a DNA of Nichol?

- Who’s the father of her kid?

- Did James Brown ever get put in the ground?

- What about Britney’s shaved head?

- Is that a desperate cry for help or did she just have head lice?

- Will Paris Hilton ever go away?

These are the real burning questions of the day and not things like, “Is it okay for the Vice President of the United States to declassify information so he can give it to a magazine so he or his chief of staff can say they saw it in a magazine or that they colluded to reveal the identity of a covert person in the CIA which the President’s father, himself a President, called the most treacherous of treasonable acts?” I mean come on he had good reason. He didn’t like the truth.

But I’ve got more important things to do than worry about this. I’ve got to see the scandalous pictures of the American Idol women.

Later … dude