Jan 20th 2011

Dear Hank,

As you probably know I’ve been out of the country, in the Bahamas. I’d like to tell you I was attending a secret hush hush financial conference. You know, one of those “How to protect your wealth by hiding it from the IRS” type deals but nothing could be further from the truth.
However, while there I did some important investigative journalism. You know our friend dean? (dean btw likes to spell his name with no capital “D” and I try to accommodate that desire so don’t tell me I forgot to capitalize it. In fact, when I want to piss him off I capitalize it and other letters in his name, like: DeAn, which would be pronounced “De Ann” or DeaN which would be “Duh ean” but I digress.
Back to the investigation, as you know some people think dean can be a bit of an a-hole at times. This raises an interesting point: how much of an a-hole can he be? What a bit of an a-hole as opposed to say, “a real a-hole” or just plain “a-hole”? There’s really no quantification here. Well, I can’t tell you how much of an a-hole he can be but I can tell you how much of a b-hole he can be. 663 feet. That’s big! In fact it’s the biggest b-hole in the world.
I have photographic proof! Attached.


As you can see the "b" stands for "blue." Not what you thought I bet!



Also, note his fans have been here and left their tributes.

And here's the proof! Just how big is it?


663 feet!




Later,

B

Bahamian Adventure Part I

Jan 11, 2011

Dear Hank,

I would have written earlier but as you will see I’ve been busy, important matters of state and whatnot. I find myself in the Bahamas, which is a good thing because I understand “back home” is a mess with snow and such. From what I can determine it really doesn’t matter right now where back home is - it’s a mess.

But I have exciting news, which is the reason for this e-pistol (get it? epistle/e-pistol? Clever huh? Never mind.)

I have discovered evidence of the lost city of Atlantis. That’s right. Evidence. I am in the Bahamas, that’s all I better tell you. I think it would be unwise to reveal my exact location as we wouldn’t want huge tourist cruises to come flocking here and over running the place. At least not until we can get the jewelry shops and T-shirt stands set up.

So take a look at these photos. The first one shows where the Atlantians cut huge blocks of limestone out of the Bahamas island and then hauled them to make their houses and temples in the lost continent that sunk in the middle of the Atlantic. You can clearly see the neat parallel lines cut in the limestone, which is all that’s left from their work here. Except for one other thing. Look at the third photo. This is obviously the base for a bath tub. Given the size of the base I think it safe to say the Atlantians were big people. This contradicts earlier suggested evidence. So I think I’m really onto something here.

Gotta go. time to get ready for a walk on the beach where I hope to uncover more startling evidence and ponder all this.

Yer pal,

Bryce

Jan 1, 2011

Dear Hank,

Today it’s quiet, no wind, sunny and calm. What a way to start the new year. There are clouds on the horizon. They are white gray. They are the color of fog. They reflect off the still water making it hard to tell what is sky and what is water. The only way to tell is to look for the faintest of horizontal lines that divide the two.

The stillness is calming and reflective. The sun coming up is golden yellow and streaking shadows across the grasses. The geese in the water are quiet, many are still asleep. No one is moving, the day’s activities have not really begun. There will be much to do, soon. But for now there is a moment to be, not to think, not to reflect, not to try and solve a problem or worry about what is next, but to be still in the calm.

Noises and action are beginning to beckon. I try to keep them at bay, to preserve the moment for as long as possible. It will not be and I know I have but moments left of this magic time.