1:45 left til - The End of The World

December 20, 2012

1:45 left til ...

Dear Hank,

We have a lot of important issues to discuss. But it being the ned of the world tomorrow we don’t have much time. Some say the Mayans may have gotten it wrong. I say nonsense. Others may have gotten it wrong, but not the Mayans. See, the Mayans never said the world was going to end. They said their calendars were going to be in alignment tomorrow and by that they meant their 240 day calendar and their 360 day calendar. (Actually, it’s a 360 + 4 day calendar but those four days like the leap day in February are kind of ignored.)

So who started all this end of the world stuff. You don’t think it could have been some quack trying to make a buck off of prognostications do you? (Well, if you did you’d be right.)

But for me, I’m hoping we survive til Christmas speaking of which it hasn’t seemed too jolly this year what with shootings and climate change and those idiotic political arguments. But the real problem with Christmas is we’ve lost the Ho. That’s right. Somehow, somewhere the Ho in Christmas got lost. Now I’m not pointing any fingers. Or suggesting it’s anyone’s fault, but I think we can all agree that we’ve lost the Ho in Christmas. At this point I’d settle for even a little Ho. Wouldn’t you?

Now in the classic Christmas story there are three Ho’s. Remember? Ho Ho Ho.

I don’t know how you’d keep them straight. And if you wanted to speak to the second  Ho how would you do it?

I mean if you said, “Get over here Ho.” You’d have a one in three chance of the right Ho coming over. At least with Little Ho you could say, “Get over here you little ho.” And you’d have a chance.

Well, it’s a lot to consider. 

I guess the Doomsday Prepers are putting their final touches on their bunkers. Hope they don’t attack the pizza boy when he knocks on their door to deliver the double cheese pizza teenage Sis ordered on her iPhone because she was bored, not to mention hungry, Who wants to eat the beans Dad has had stored down there for the last eight years anyway?

Gotta go. I think the person knocking on the door may have the combination snuggie and Olde Brooklyn Lantern. Warning: Don’t drink and watch late night TV alone.

Bryce

I am Tired

I am tired.

Dear Hank;

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in our high schools with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in our grade schools with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in our colleges  with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in our shopping malls with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in their work sites with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed in our gas stations with guns.

I am tired of hearing about people getting killed on our highways with guns.

I am tired of t people telling me guns don’t kill people people kill people. 

Tell that to our troops in Afghanistan, our police, our drug enforcement officials.

I am tired of people who claim to be able to read a sentence in English not able to read a sentence made of four independent clauses and not being able to understand that one clause modifies another.

I am tired of people being scared and feeling they have to arm themselves to go out of their house.

I am tired of people hiding behind the second amendment so they can have their childish fantasies fulfilled.

I am tired of the rabid screaming of people calling themselves patriots claiming they are defending themselves and their families.

I am tired of people who don’t know their history claiming things that aren’t true.

I am tired of people making convoluted arguments as to why they need a gun.

I am tired of hearing about my fellow citizens being threatened and killed by people with guns.

I am tired of the 2nd amendment arguments, the “well armed citizenry” arguments.

I am tired of people saying they have to carry a concealed weapon in their cars, on our trains, in our national parks, to work, to play, to shop, to walk around.

I am tired of seeing the statistics that show every other nation on this planet has figured out a way to curb deaths from guns but us.

I am tired of the stupidity, the cowardice, the head-in-the-sand attitude.

I am tired.

Bryce

End of the World

Dear Hank,

I must deal with the end of the world and tomorrow.

Tomorrow is 12/12/12 in both the American and the European date systems!

The end of the world is scheduled for 12/21/12.

Do you see that the only thing different are the two numbers in the middle of this?

The 2 and the 1 have switched places!

How could this be?

It’s backwards.

You know who makes things turn out backwards (cue Dana Carvey as Churchlady) “SATAN” (zoom in catch the slight facial twitch - thank-you.)

How do I know this is true? 

Well that’s easy: take each set of digits and add them together.

so 12/12/12 becomes 3/3/3 

and 12/21/12 also is 3/3/3

Coincidence? I think not.

Now add the two sets of numbers together 3/3/3 + 3/3/3 is 6/6/6.

And there you have it SATAN is behind this.

‘Nuff said.

Gotta go The Reverse Mortgage Man is at the door.

B