1:45 left til - The End of The World

December 20, 2012

1:45 left til ...

Dear Hank,

We have a lot of important issues to discuss. But it being the ned of the world tomorrow we don’t have much time. Some say the Mayans may have gotten it wrong. I say nonsense. Others may have gotten it wrong, but not the Mayans. See, the Mayans never said the world was going to end. They said their calendars were going to be in alignment tomorrow and by that they meant their 240 day calendar and their 360 day calendar. (Actually, it’s a 360 + 4 day calendar but those four days like the leap day in February are kind of ignored.)

So who started all this end of the world stuff. You don’t think it could have been some quack trying to make a buck off of prognostications do you? (Well, if you did you’d be right.)

But for me, I’m hoping we survive til Christmas speaking of which it hasn’t seemed too jolly this year what with shootings and climate change and those idiotic political arguments. But the real problem with Christmas is we’ve lost the Ho. That’s right. Somehow, somewhere the Ho in Christmas got lost. Now I’m not pointing any fingers. Or suggesting it’s anyone’s fault, but I think we can all agree that we’ve lost the Ho in Christmas. At this point I’d settle for even a little Ho. Wouldn’t you?

Now in the classic Christmas story there are three Ho’s. Remember? Ho Ho Ho.

I don’t know how you’d keep them straight. And if you wanted to speak to the second  Ho how would you do it?

I mean if you said, “Get over here Ho.” You’d have a one in three chance of the right Ho coming over. At least with Little Ho you could say, “Get over here you little ho.” And you’d have a chance.

Well, it’s a lot to consider. 

I guess the Doomsday Prepers are putting their final touches on their bunkers. Hope they don’t attack the pizza boy when he knocks on their door to deliver the double cheese pizza teenage Sis ordered on her iPhone because she was bored, not to mention hungry, Who wants to eat the beans Dad has had stored down there for the last eight years anyway?

Gotta go. I think the person knocking on the door may have the combination snuggie and Olde Brooklyn Lantern. Warning: Don’t drink and watch late night TV alone.

Bryce