The Two Kims

Dear Hank,

Stop what you are doing and sit down. I have a fantastic idea. Not only will it make millions - billions, maybe. It will go a long way to world peace and decreasing tensions around the world.

I saw a headline in Google that referred to a headline in The Kansas City Star, which started with the words Those crazy Kims. Naturally, I was interested because I’m a big follower of Kim Kardasian. The Kansas City Star article refrred to a headline in The Onion which started with “Kim Jong-Un ...”

I thought Oh, those Kims!

That’s when it hit me. My Eureka moment, my ah-ha, my gestalt, my genius idea.

The Kims could unite!

Kim Kardashian could wed Kim Jong-Un.

What a wedding!

What a reality show!

It’s perfect. Look, the old man was, let’s face it - too old for her (and he had a thing for Swedish models.) But Un (Is that what you call him? Un? Hey, no disrespect, I’m just not sure, maybe, Jung-Un or JU for short. I wonder if his school mates called him Jew? Probably, doesn’t matter if he didn’t like it they’d be all dead by now.)

Ok, so picture this Kim K. marries Kim J. in a ceremony fit for a what? Military dictatorship that starves it’s country into total compliance? No matter, there would literally be a reviewing stand with one million people going by paying their respects - and that just the military! They’d probably also march a few peasants by as well.

After the “unbelievable” wedding and show there would be the day to day life show. The “Keeping Up” show and what a reality! (I don’t often use exclamation marks but this is an exception and, I admit, I’m going a little crazy with them. I’d say, “Sorry” if I was, but I’m not, because I’m soooo excited about this idea.)

So either in the wedding, preferably the wedding, but it could be in the follow up reality show series the Kardasians could haul lots of their friends and paparazzi dregs over to North Korea; along, with any number of has been and second rate or unknown “stars” of shows you’ve never known. Maybe, they could even get some of the late night pitch people and auction show celebrities to come. They might be able to get young Un to allow South Korean stars to participate in their show, thus opening the gates to better relations between the two countries, calming tensions and who knows maybe Meta-World Peace would come over.

Then once they get a toe hold in the country they could start bringing over other shows. Imagine, what the North Koreans could do with a show called Fear Factor? Or Survivor?

Even an old time show like Truth or Consequences could be redone. Can you imagine the consequences? Wow.

Okay, wait a minute, let’s be real. We gotta be practical. Would this really work? What do we know about Kim Jong-Un? Well, from the pictures we know one thing; he’s fat. Which is quite an achievement in a country that’s starving. In fact, he’s probably the only “over fleshy” North Korean you’ve ever seen. What about Kim Kardasian is she a little - how do you say, “abundant”? in the flesh department? Natch.

Also, the Kardasians have a thing for people whose names, first or last, start with “K.”
You think in KOREA you could find a few names that begin with “K”? Huh?

Yeah, sure you would.

Okay, once the Kardasians are ensconced over there we’d start to see the shows where they’d show us their homes. We could get the make-over shows going. You know, redo houses, Un’s hair and clothing, etc. Wouldn’t you like to see Carson Kressley wiping old Un into shape with some fabulous flambe print pants and a ruffle shirt?

Then we’d talk them into fast food. Look, if you’re starving and have no food to eat fast food is the next best thing.

You’d have MaKdonald’s (Look, the state would run the place and both Kims would insist on at least one “K” in the name), Kendy’s (this would eliminate the embarrassing attempt to pronounce the “W” in Wendy’s), etc. etc. etc. We’d need a high end mall for Kim K to go shopping in with her mom and sisters.

And the parties, imagine the parties.

Let’s say things didn’t work out. Say after 3 days, or 17, or 59 the Kardashians said, “Hey, we’re tired of this gig. Time to move on.”

That might piss old (young) Un off. He might send them to a “re-education” facility where they could contemplate - uh - whatever they like. And that would be a pity, we might never see them again. Well, maybe they’d show a picture of them for the press. Or perhaps a short movie where they confessed their “crimes.”

Hey look you heard it here first.

Gotta go,

The ‘B” man