The 100 Most Influential People

May 13, 2010

Dear Hank,

Once again we have been slighted and I frankly don’t understand it but in some ways I am thankful. I’m talking about Time Magazine’s “100 Most Influential People in the World” issue. It does not appear we are in it. How they could have missed us - again - is startling. I realize now that I should have expected it as they sent no reporter to interview me, no photographer, and I assume the same is true for you. I had hoped to be able to pine loquaciously about my own success, the fate of the world, and what others could do but I guess that will have to wait for another year. Who was on the cover you ask? Well, Lady Gaga wearing some metal thing poking out from her sternum which I would think all the porn shops would want to sell as the latest in titty torture devices; Bill Clinton, looking very pale and physically diminished. (Has anyone considered that perhaps he and Tiger need those extra marital call them what you will to stay healthy and vibrant?), and Didier Drogba.

Yes, that’s right Didier Drogba is on the cover of Time Magazine. Who is Didier you ask? Well, he looks to be black with a German first name (is that sur or is that the last name - can’t ever keep that straight), with a African tribal or Eastern European Slavic type last name, and he appears to be a soccer player. This is a fold out front cover so on the inside outer flap (as opposed to the inside inner flap where time runs some three page ad) there are two other guys: Tim Westergren and Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva. No, I don’t know who either one is but looking at what Westergren is wearing (subtle light brown plaid sports jacket, blue jeans, brown wing-tips, open collar dark blue brown maroon shirt) I’m guessing netpreneur/startup/venture capitalist who has made several shitloads of money. Luiz blah-blah-blah da Silva? Blue suit, salt and pepper beard - mainly salt, arms folded smiling - no beaming - a guy, I think, I may have read about somewhere - probably an Italian politician or South American writer I’ve never heard of. What else does Time promise? Sarah Palin writing about Glenn Beck. Now, that’ll be inspiring - you betcha! (wink, wink)

Back to Didier, why him? What did he do? and who cares? It’s a sad state of affairs. I try to go to the grocery store on a regular basis to keep up with the headlines on the magazines at the check out counter. Of course now that the magazine that had those wonderful headlines like “Aliens at an RV Camp” folded; it’s not as interesting. Things like “Kate is pregnant again!” and “The Shocking Truth about Patty” kind of pale. Besides most of the time I’m left to wonder who these people are. I only hope Didier makes it to the cover of one of them soon so I can know more about him.

Someone’s at the door. I gotta go.

Bryce