Dear Hank,

Did I tell you that my novel won the Faulkner Award for best novel of the year?
No, well, there’s a reason for that. I must have been away from the phone when they called and so they awarded the prize to someone else. They forgot to even mention me in the runner up categories. I just don’t know what’s wrong with people these days.
Then there was that situation with the President. Darned embarrassing. Seems like a nice fellow. He came all the way to Maine to see me. What? You didn’t know? Well, that’s because it’s was a secret. I mean he was practically at my house. At least according to the picture in the New York Times. You could distinctly see the gray blob of my house in the background from where he was standing on Cadillac Mountain. Then I realized wrong blob. But if the camera man had moved to his right they would have gotten the right gray blob. What can I say? Too bad they didn’t do some more careful vetting and they would have known I wasn’t home.
I’ve even got the same picture of the spot where Obama was standing on Cadillac Mountain. Yeah, moments before. How many you ask? Well, I don’t know exactly. I’d have do a little thinking. Yes, moments, moments before is what I said. Well, I don’t know how long a moment is exactly. Well, three. Okay, three moments before. Are you happy? No, a moment isn’t a second. It wasn’t three seconds before the President stood on the rock it was more like I don’t know. How many seconds well you’d have to do the math it’s something like 60x60x24x365x4. What’s that - four years before you say? Yeah, well that’s about right. My picture was taken in 2007, his in 2010. Isn’t that three not four? Oh no, you have to count the current year. Yeah, so it was four moments not three. Sorry.

Gotta go, someone’s at the door about a car.

B